Heart Over Matter
by Sunzet of Lightshore
Summary: When the better half of a man's soul is lost, what is left to keep reality in check? With Duo gone, Heero is broken; If reality as we know it can't help, what will. Not total angst, just the first chapters or so. Please review 1x2, 3x?, 4x?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own. Is that simple enough? Oh well.  
  
Heart Over Matter  
  
Prologue  
  
It wasn't supposed to end like this. It repeated like a mantra in Heero's head as he held the already stiff body of the only man he'd ever loved. "Duo, please..no." As tears weld in his eyes, sirens could be heard in the background. " Excuse me.I'm sorry, sir, but I'm gonna hav'to ask you to let him go." A medic was heard as a slightly fuzzy whisper in the back of Heero's mind His attention was on the blank look on Duo's pale features. It wasn't until the medic's tried to pry away Duo's body that Heero finally seemed to realize someone else was there. "no.let him go.please..no..no..NOOO!" He was lurching to his feet as the medic's tried to hold him down. No, he thought, I have to get to Duo, I can't let them take him away. Please. Were his last thoughts before darkness overtook him.  
  
Short I know, but just tell me what you think of it. I cant' tell, but it will get better. Thanks. P.S. Doesn't that just make you wanna cry?! 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimers are a wonderful waste of time. So I don't own, though I wish I did, and you can't sue me for something that isn't there, like money, for instance. Too bad.  
  
Heart Over Matter  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"He's stayed unconscious for the last two hours or so, but that's natural after the type of trauma he's been through. He should be coming through soon."  
Sound was slowly seeping into his sleep-fogged brain as he slowly regained consciousness. Next to come through was a searing light that made his head hurt. "Doctor, he's coming through." The nurse came into sudden focus as Heero struggled to sit up. "Where am I?" His voice came out hoarsely as he was passed a glass of water. "The hospital, silly!" A shrill voice said at his right. "I meant which hospital." He said coldly. Heero turned towards the irritating voice and gave the nurse a glare. She was a petit woman with brown hair and hazel eyes that were both warm and friendly. Immediately his thoughts turned to his braided baka, and his brain came to a sudden stop. " Ohhhh, well, sugar, your at.are you okay honey?" she said with concern.  
Heero was unable to respond. For the second time in his life he felt the gut wrenching pain of losing the only source of light in his world. His eyes suddenly went blurry as the tears weld up, and it felt as though his chest was tightening up towards near suffocation. As he started hyperventilating, the nurse called the doctor through a monitor and tried to help Heero breath. "Calm down Mr. Yuy, it's gonna be fine" the doctor tried to rub Heero's back but he jerked away angrily. "Mr. Yuy, you're going to have to calm down or we may have to use restraints." She said in a calm but firm voice. Turning to the nurse the doctor whispered something that Heero was unable to hear. He sat there in silence for a few minutes as the doctor looked at all his papers. Suddenly a gasp was heard from the door and Heero looked up to see two of his oldest friends in the doorway. "Heero." Relena whispered in a chilled voice as she gazed sadly at his frail looking state. Meanwhile Dorothy worked her way across the room to his side and helped him with his pillows. "Miss Catalonia, Miss Peacecraft, I'll let you have some time alone with my patient before I go over his status with you. But make sure he isn't moving to much until the results come in from his X-ray examinations. I'd like to make sure nothing is damaged before we let him go." "Thank you, Dr. Luella, we'll make sure of it." Dorothy said when no answer came from Relena. " Heero, are you feeling better." When she got a blank stare, Relena looked stricken for a moment and then continued "I didn't mean about Duo, I meant physically! Oh Heero, I'm sorry, I just." Her eyes started to water as she silently asked for forgiveness. Dorothy gently took her by the shoulders and sat her down. "Heero, I think what Relena was hoping to get at was that we're here for you should you need us in any way."  
Heero finally forced himself to speak after an awkward silence. "Thank you; both of you. I'm sorry if I'm not the best of company right now." Heero's voice quavered as he fought off another wave of grief. "Oh, Heero, don't. Please don't say things like that. It's not your fault; come on Heero, It's going to be okay." Relena went and placed her arms around Heero gently. Her friend was in need. She had grown up with Heero, had even went to school with him, but she had never seen him show such emotion and wasn't sure how to react. But she could see he was hurting, and as long as she'd known him, she knew it would give him no shame for her to hold him. She was the only person, other than Duo, who had ever been allowed that intimacy. She felt his body tremble with racking sobs and simply held him. "Shhhhh.it's alright now, come on, it's okay." But Heero knew it wasn't okay. His Duo was gone and it would never be okay again. He sensed rather than heard Dorothy make her way towards the hospital bed. He knew they were trying to comfort him, but he couldn't help but resent it. Relena still had Dorothy to love and hold. Why did it have to happen to him was all he could think. Why couldn't it have happened to them instead? He looked up and saw the concern in Dorothy's eyes, partly for him and partly for Relena, and instantly felt ashamed. These were his friends. It was guilt that made him force out his next words. "Don't worry Relena. I'll be fine. Could you ask the Doctor on your way out if I could leave as soon as possible." Dorothy understood this as dismissal and pried Relena from Heero's still form. Against Relena's protests, they went out into the hall and talked briefly with Dr. Luella. "He looks stable enough to go home tonight if he'd like." She said with a smile, "But I warn you, the blow to the head might still leave some side effects, but that's normal for a car crash of that magnitude. It's a miracle that he wasn't seriously injured in the wreck. In fact, his only injuries were the blow to the head and a few minor cuts and bruises. If you'd like, you could give him the good news." "That would be excellent, doctor. We'll tell him right away." Dorothy forced Relena to stay in the hallway as she delivered her brief message to Heero, and gently steered her lover towards the elevator doors.  
Heero was left alone for a few minutes and found he could only operate when he felt himself go numb. He somehow managed to get a taxicab home, and only started to think as he found himself on the front porch. He looked at his house, once a place full of love and commotion, and now all he found was an empty shell. It's once bright white walls now looked gray. It's beautiful green roof and shutters now seemed dulled and plain. He compared himself with the house and saw that he could never keep it. It had been Duo who had wanted to buy it, Duo who had motivated its renovation and Duo who had made it into a home. Just like the house, Heero had seemed like the worst person to love until Duo had come along and wanted him, changed him into a better man, and finally into a loving and caring person. Heero realized that everything in his life did indeed revolve around his lover. And he also realized that if he stayed even near the house much longer, he would simply loose his mind. So he started walking. ~*~ The sun was no longer shining in the sky. Heero watched as it turned first dusk and then dark, walking until he reached the edge of town, continuing to walk by the side of the small road until that too, ended. He had finally reached the wooded area near the beach when he realized how late it was. It seemed to him that he had just finished walking down the steps of the house moments ago. Oh well, just keep walking. He made his way through the rough terrain and underbrush, gradually feeling the path hardening under his feet and the underbrush becoming harder to walk through, and then suddenly, it all stopped. Right in front of his eyes was the ocean, two hundred feet below the rocky cliff he was currently standing on. It was hunting in the moonlight, and Heero absently looked at his watch noticing the late hour. 11:58,hmmm. He looked down and thought of his Duo, and what lie ahead of him. On one hand, he had all the pain of tomorrow and the next day; on the other, he had.peace. And suddenly, tomorrow seemed like too much to ask of him. What use was it to try to live tomorrow when there was nothing to live for? What did he have, the next day? And the next? And the next? Heero looked at his clock one more time and laughed at the irony. 11:59, and only fifteen more seconds. Heero silently counted down as he made his way toward the edge. 13.11He looked down at the water, silently asking forgiveness from his love. 10.9.8. He stepped one foot of.and kept on going. His last thoughts were of being with Duo before he felt his body crack with the force of his hit against the water3.2.1. ~*~ Heero felt someone lifting him from the water, then hands slapping his face. He sputtered a curse and looked into the eyes of the person who saved him, or cursed him, depending. "Umm.sir are you okay?" the man asked bewilderedly. Heero glared. "Why couldn't you have just let me die?! I was finally going to stay with Duo, damm you! Who the hell gave you the right to take me from the water?" Heero was cursing at the man before he could even ask for his name. "How is it that I got swept into tide so soon!" He snarled out. "I JUMPED OFF A TWO STORY CLIFF INTO THE OCEAN FOR CRIPES SAKE!" Heero took time to breath hard in and out. The man gave him a strange look and then said, "Umm. Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there's not an ocean for miles. You're about five hundred miles inland sir, and that's not the ocean, but my pond that I pulled you out of. Would you happen to be having a hangover?" Heero simply gaped at the man, looked around, then preceded to loose consciousness. The man sighed and continued to drag Heero's prone body towards the small clay house near the village. Always happens to me though Trowa irritably.  
  
Thank you for reading, please review so I know what you think. 


End file.
